Padriac My Prince
by in finitas
Summary: Jess story. pretty much just before he went to Stars Hallow. song by Bright Eyes (again) but i'm hoping this one is more understandable? meh...enjoy.
1. Babies turn blue when they're ignored

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Padriac My Prince is another song by Bright Eyes. And all that good stuff.

            I silently watched as her face stained itself with tears. The small figure of a baby boy was floating coldly in the water. I slowly covered my young eyes and turned away. Who was that boy? Why is my mother crying? I silently questioned, looking at the ceiling as if it gave the answers the rhetorical questions I asked.

            "Padriac my prince! I have all but died." I heard my mother's hoarse voice call. Her sobs grew loader, pounding in my ears. I covered them, willing the horrible sounds away. Stop. Stop crying you stupid bitch. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick my mother and tell her to stop. Stop killing herself. Stop killing me.

            I stumbled out of the cramped apartment. The stench of sewers and cigarette smoke flew into my nose. I choked. I staggered down the dirty streets, no where in mind to go. Whores of all kinds passed me, sneering at me with their bright red lips. I looked up at one, her eyes hard and lined with CVS bought make-up. I blinked slowly, realizing she was not even an adult yet. Her eyes were sad as she looked upon me. My innocence was leaving, and she felt it. And I felt it also. 

            I continued my trek to no where. My mother's screams rang in my ears. Her sobs deafened me. I felt myself screaming along with her, but no sound was heard from my pre-adolescent mouth. 

            I looked up and found myself in front of my apartment building once again. Was I just walking in circles? Did I see that teenage whore again? I forgot. Everything was forgotten.

            I slowly walked up the stairs, the building surprisingly quiet. I slipped into my apartment and saw my mother passed out on the couch. I walked to the small bathroom and saw him still there. Floating in the cold water. I picked him up and dried him off with my mother's towel. The sight of death flared up all my senses. His body was cold. Cold as ice. He smelled dead, if that was possible. His soft skin was blue and not a sound was heard from his frozen mouth.

            I cradled him in my arms and walked out to my mother. I watched her for a second, the baby in my arms. She looked unhappy. I slowly  left the apartment. Once I reached the street, I sprinted off into the darkness. His cold skin pressed against my chest. I felt it through the thin layer I wore. I shivered and stopped at the cemetery. I slipped in, unnoticed by silent mourners. I walked to my father's grave, unvisited by anyone but me.

            I placed the baby on the ground next to me and I began to dig with my hands. I worked steadily for the rest of the night. The sharp cold winds didn't affect me. I had a mission and this was it. I finished digging and looked up for the first time since I started. Dawn was coming. A beautiful sight. 

            I carefully placed the baby in the hole I dug. I stood there staring at his soft face. I reached down and closed his eyes one last time and began filling the hole steadily.


	2. I will poisen myself

            "It's summer, Jess." My friend Conor said drunkenly. He lifted a cup and grinned miserably. I smiled back and raised my own cup.

            "Yup, it's summer, Conor, my friend." I patted him on his back and poisoned myself again. He nuzzled the neck of the girl he met and she giggled. I laughed at his pathetic state, knowing full well that I looked the same as him. Blood-shot eyes and dry, cracking lips. I ambled through the crowds. A girl latched herself on me and I turned to her. She was cute. I smiled and brought my lips down to meet hers.

---

            I slipped out the window without a glance back at the girl. What was her name again? I seemed to have forgotten. Or I didn't know at all. Oh well. I trampled down the street to my apartment. Conor was probably still at the hotel, fucking that girl. What was her name, too?

            I stomped up the stairs to my apartment and swung open the door. There stood my mother. I forgot what she looked like when she was awake. I stood there in shock. Her blood-shot eyes bore into mine. Something was there. Something unreadable. I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. 12:05 the hands read. I looked at her again.

            "You're leaving, Jess." She said hoarsely. I stood there, letting the words sink it.

            "Leaving where?" I asked coldly, shoving my hands into my pockets.

            "To live with your uncle Luke." She replied, wrapping her pink bathrobe around her. I realized she had only underwear on under it. "I called him a few hours ago when you first left."

            "Fuck you." I whispered to her, my eyes hardening.

            "Jess." She pleaded. Trying to get hold of my arm.

            "Don't fucking Jess me, you stupid whore." I derided, slapping her hand away. It was so thin. So pale. I glared at her. "Don't fucking touch me."

            "Jess." She whined. "I'm doing this for your own good."

            "No, you're not." I deadpanned. "You're doing this for _your_ own good." I turned and left.

            "I'm sorry." I heard her say as I slammed the door.

            "Yeah." I answered softly. "I'm sorry, too." I walked to Conor's apartment and shoved the unlocked door open. He lived next to me, and that's how we met. Him, a rising rock star, me, a fucked up high schooler.

            I raked my hand through my brown hair and threw open his refrigerator. Cans and bottles of Coors were the only thing in there. I took one and popped the tab. In one gulp I finished it, and took another. Soon cans surrounded me and I was tripping over my own feet. I grabbed a bottle and left his apartment and stumbled down the stairs into the uninviting streets below.

            I ran drunkenly through the streets and arrived at a telephone booth. I stepped in and locked myself there. I pressed my back against the plastic glass and slowly slid down into a sitting position. I took a drink from the bottle and stared at the people passing by. Some threw disapproving looks at me, but I didn't see them. I couldn't see anything. All I saw was my father's grave with a hole in it. A little baby looking up at me as the words "I'm sorry" rang through my head. Yeah, I'm fucking sorry, too.

**A/N:** I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this. Probably not, though. who knows?


End file.
